I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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