She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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