I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
