Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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