im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
