Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
