im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
