we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
