Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
