I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
did you just send me my own nude
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
