the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
