UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
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