i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize