You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
