you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
