How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
