in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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