We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize