Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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