Whod you bang
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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