That's when you crack a 10am beer
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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