so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
