apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
