So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
