Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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