So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
