I bet he comes in French.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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