I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
