My cat gives me a boner
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
