im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
