omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
