Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize