C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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