whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
