So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I die, sorry about rent.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
