Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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