You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
