every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
