i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
