I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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