? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
