Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Randomize
