my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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