I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
