i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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