3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
