Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
