Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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