So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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