You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
