I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
