May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
