The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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