While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
