New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Boobs are out for the taking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
