oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
