i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
