the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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