i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You are the jesus of drinking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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