Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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