Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
