need another drink. this is the easiest way
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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