I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
