I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Small penises have feelings too.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize