Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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